Name: David Reader Besley. I agree. It
is a silly middle name. Still, I don't think it warrants a mocking.
In elementary school, however, kids are able to tease you for anything.
"Hey READER, why don't you go READ a book?" I mean really,
that's not much of an insult at all. It was more of a suggestion, and
a good one at that.
Moustache/Beard type: Loki, this hurts
me. Us Sideburn owners (or "Sideburners" as we call ourselves)
are continuously being ignored within the facial hair community. I'm
honored to be a part of your group, but I want to FEEL included. I'll
ignore it this time, but I'd better see "Moustache/Beard/Sideburns"
or simply "Facial Hair" as a substitution in the future. To
answer your question, though, my SIDEBURN type is "The Lightning
Bolts." That's just a visual description, though. I'm working on
the name. I like "Sidebolts" or "Lightningburns."
Then again, i could just call them "sideBURNS" because these
babies LITERALLY burn . . . WITH THE POWER OF LIGHTNING! When I was
growing them, my intention was not only to look great, but also to gain
the power of lightning speed. Now, mission one: accomplished. Mission
two (lightning speed): to be entirely honest, I'm still working on it.
I need to even them up a bit, but trust me, I'll be running around town
with the speed of lightning probably within the next week or so. You
know, if I run that fast, don't you think I'd need some kind of special
shoes? I mean, the friction at that speed? I'd go through a pair of
shoes in no time at all. I don't even know where I'd get such a durable
Age: I am two decades young
Occupation/Hobbies: I am currently in-between
jobs, and shall continue to be for as long as I can hold out. As far
as hobbies are concerned, I like feeding myself and trimming my nails.
There are a few other things I enjoy, primarily music, art, and the
company of those who appreciate me. I played the trumpet in my youth,
but have become rusty in my old age. I hope to reemerge as a master
trumpeter in the near future, however. I also play a little piano (you
should see this thing, it is TINY. I need a microscope to even see it).
I'm fine at drafting, drawing, the art of interpretive dance, and sculpting,
but I don't think I can be truly content with myself until I master
the art of wood bowl making. I have a keen interest in wooden bowls.
This is a skill I don't even know where I could begin to learn. It may
seem like I'm joking, but have you SEEN some of these wood bowls? They
are amazing, and I am convinced if you so much as flip through "500
Wood Bowls" (from Lark Books), you too will be inspired.
How long have you been cultivating your current
moustache/beard? I told you before that I don't like sideburns
being excluded from "moustache/beard", so I have decided to
provide this useful key for those of us are confused.
How long have you been a moustache/beard grower?
I have been growing facial hair since I was in 7th grade. That was before
I had accepted and embraced "the fur" and shaved my natural,
yeti-like face in fear of being ostracized. I have practiced stylistic
facial hair growth since sophomore year, when I worked at the Renaissance
Festival as a "King's Herald." Realizing that the vast majority
of my fellow (male) Rennies (Ren-fest carnies) were growing facial hair
and getting away with it, I did the same.
Do you have any other moustache/beard achievements?
Do I ever! I like to invent all my facial hair styles. My first invention
was . . . okay, well imagine the heftiest Sideburns you've ever seen.
We're talking BIG. These guys were SO big, they had their OWN Sideburns.
That's right, my Sideburns had their own Sideburns. That's 4 burns:
twice as many as the standard dual-sideburns! My next invention required
only a slight modification from the Quadraburns. I delicately trimmed
my facial hair so each sideburn was a spade. I sort of wanted my friends
to call me "The King of Spades" or even "David Spade,"
but it turns out the latter was already taken. Meanwhile, I had been
harvesting . . . well, as a facial hair enthusiast, I'm sure you know
what a "soul patch" is. Well, I took it to the next level,
and grew a "Soul STRIPE." It went from just under my lower
lip all the way down my neck. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite long enough
to connect to my chest hair. I came close - probably within 1 inch -
but still, I set my standards high and I was displeased that I didn't
make it. You can't win 'em all, though. I trimmed down the garish Spades
for my next endeavor: "The Trident." This creation was an
elaboration on the Soul Stripe. I kept the original there, and sprouted
two shorter Soul Stripes on either side of the main one. I considered
calling it "The Devil's Pitchfork," but that wasn't really
what I was going for. The shape was correct, but I didn't want to give
my facial hair an evil connotation. "The Trident" fit much
better, giving it a powerful, yet mystical feel, which is exactly what
I was going for. After that, I went with the Sidebolts (or Lightningburns)
and here we are today.
Do you use any particular grooming products or
trimming tools? Unfortunately no. Just a Gillette Mach 3. I
have to admit, it is awfully difficult to maintain my look with such
a primitive tool. I would love to have a high quality trimmer, such
as the Norelco T970 Accu-Vac Beard and Moustache Trimmer. A Norelco
T970 Accu-Vac Beard and Moustache Trimmer would much improve the accuracy
of my burns, cut down on my average trim time, and make the perfect
Do you have any moustache/beard grooming tips? Patience cannot be undervalued. Not only growing the facial hair, but developing a style and maintaining it require a great deal of patience. I would also advise any Moustache/Beard/Sideburn enthusiast to experiment with different looks. Finally, be creative! I'm already considering potential styles I can try in the future. Don't get me wrong, I love the Lightningburns and they will look great in my Facial Hair Portfolio, but it's important to raise the bar with every new style.
Have you ever been discriminated against, jeered
at, or harassed for your moustache/beard? Every now and again,
people laugh at me when I walk by. I'd rather like to think they're
laughing WITH me, but when I hear them and attempt to share the laughter
(by erupting into a great belly laugh myself), they suddenly become
very quiet. Also, at the beginning of this summer, I had a job interview
to become a Mobile Disk Jockey. The interview went well and I was offered
the job. I accepted and was walking from the office to my car when the
manager stopped me and said, "Oh, and one other thing. The beard
has to go." Regretfully, I did shave, and several weeks later I
was without facial hair AND without that job. The only time I faced
serious harassment was was when I accidentally entered a meeting for
the Facially Hair Challenged, thinking it was a competition (or "challenge")
to determine who had the best facial hair. Were it not for my wit, charm,
and my lucky smoke bomb, they would have scalped my facial hair for
What are some common reactions to your moustache/beard?
Typically I get no reaction. Women generally hate it, but sometimes
I get a grin, and that's good enough for me.
Why do you have your moustache/beard?
My hair grows faster than a lawn on Miraclegrow, so its easy for me.
My Sideburns also help me define a personal sense of style.
Do you have any favorite moustache/beard related
media? --I.e. websites, books, films, etc. The only moustache/beard/sideburn
media I'm familiar with is Humbugs. AND WHAT A MEDIA OUTLET IT IS! *wink*
Anything else you’d like to add? Anecdotes,
biographical information, or anything else is welcome.